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London - Malaga

 25th September 2018 -  5th October 2018

Belgium,Luxemberg,Germany,Switzelad

France, Andora and Spain.  

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Dover to Dunkirk 😞

Dover was definitely the most multicultural of all the places I visited. Where once stood Good old English Woolworths, is is now Arcmads Bazar, next to Melon Cauli, Wok This Way and sun tan drews, not least forgetting Selfridges, A fridge shop!

All  were selling all kinds of really useful pills and potions, halal chicken, rice, lentils, and f fridges of course! lol 
As for the public toilets.. !!
Don't even go there! I had to stand on the seat!!! 
It was cleaner than the floor! 
There was a women outside selling toilet paper! 
By the sheet!! 
Lucky I didn't have diarea . I would have had to take out a mortgage, to have  a number two! 
Cold water and no soap! No paper towels!
I had to go outside and buy more bloody sheets, just to clean my hands!! 
And obviously wipe my feet on the way out!!
And the smell in some of the alleys. Yuck!!!! 
Probably because no one uses the toilets!! 
But, I guess The White cliffs were nice!!

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Brugge:)

 

 Wow what a stunning place, beautiful. Small canals and pebble lined streets. Chocolate houses, pretty shops and horse drawn carriages all contributed in making Brugge a very picturesque and stunning place to visit. 
The moules mariners ( mussels in sause) are to die for in Brugge, and not to be missed. 

Now for the tip of the day!!
If your buying chocolate, which of course Belgium is famous for, make sure you read the packet! I thought I had bought mint, but didn't read the small print! Mint and Salt! Yes Salt!! 
Oh my days!! 
salted chocolate! 
Really? 
Yuck, yuck, yuck.. 
I mean why would you? That's like putting sugar on pickle! 
Not only did it taste like shit! You needed to drink a gallon of water with every square! I spent most of the day weeing!! 
Thank god we wasn't still in Dover!!
So overall a definite thumbs up for Brugge , but don't stay too long, and at 9 euros for a few hours parking.!! You have to be careful not to blow all your spending money in a few hours.. 
Thought parking was a rip off to be honest !!

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Gent :)/:(

A big university town, not as pretty as Brugge, but some nice architecture if you like churches and old buildings.. 
I found it to be too big and too busy.. The Traffic was horrendous.
I knew it was really bad, when my sat nav said, " are we there yet"! 
Conclusion, visit only if you have time and patience.. You will need a Lot of both!!

 

Luxembourg:)/:(

Not sure what to say about Luxembourg really, a very small place. 
In fact I think I blinked and missed it.
Very busy, nice architecture and cheap Diesel @ 1€ per litre

 

The Black Forest

Apart from the sat nav, not knowing if we were in France or Germany half the time, we had a nice drive from Luxembourg.
The Black Forrest itself was stunning. Lots of small, and not so small villages, all very pretty and charming with lots to offer.. 
Then of course there's the cookoo clocks! They are manufactured in this part of Germany, very well made and lovely to look at.. some are life size, you can go in them and some people actually live in them! 
They must be bloody mad!
Fuck that!! Can you imagine, a fucking bird pocking it's head out, of the apex of your roof, shouting fucking cookoo!! At the top of its voice, day and night, every hour!, 
Well doesn't that sound like fun. 
Bet your all wishing you could have one right now!
No I'm sorry. 
I'd nail the fucking door shut!! 
I definitely won't be buying one any time soon!!

Ok, sorry, I can't resist it.......
The other night I was invited out for a few drinks with the girls,
I promised Jose to be in by midnight 
Well needless to say, the hours passed quickly, wine was going down too easy. 
At 3am a bit worse for ware I finally got home.
Just as I walked in the door the cookoo clock in the hallway started up and cookoo'd 3 times. 
I realised he would probably wake up, so I cookoo'd another 9 times. 
I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning Jose asked me what time I got in, I told him 12 o clock. 
He didn't seem disturbed at all. 
Got away with that, so I thought!
Then he said, Mum we need a new cookoo clock. 
When I asked why he said. "Well last night it cookoo'd 3 times, then said, 'oh fuck', ' cookoo'd 4 more times, cleared its throat, cookoo'd another 3 times, giggled, cookoo'd twice more....then farted".
I did apologies at the beginning!! Lol

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La puy 🙂

A fabulous drive through forests, along rivers and through the mountains of France, Germany, clipping Switzerland, and finally arriving at La puy, a small village In the central massif mountain range. 
A stunning Medieval village. Was like going back in time.. I'm told there is a festival there every year where the whole town, and some visitors all dress in medieval clothing.. I should imagine it's well worth a visit... 
A very friendly sleepy town... 
Let's hope there's more knights in shining armour, than tosses in tin foil that live there !! Lol
Next stop Andorra...

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Andorra 🙂

Well Andorra turned out to be more of an adventure than a Holliday .. Lol
We arrived in Andorra late afternoon, so our first concern was to find a camping site!!
We pulled off of the mountain road in to a small field with a stream running through it. Sounds idyllic.! Yes!! 
Well not so idyllic, as it first seemed.. 
I stepped out of Matilda, straight in to a lump of shit! Yes Shit!! 💩A lot of it, It was everywhere, and had now attached itself to my shoe!!
The not so sweet, perfumed, shit aroma was now wafting in to Matilda.. Jose rolling around laughing, 😭whilst holding his nose!! 😷
I have no idea what kind of animals had shit there, 👹but I'm guessing they were big, and a lot of them!! 🙀
Dirty bastards!! 
From the smell, I wouldn't mind betting they were meat eaters.
Well it was too late to move on, the weather was ( shit, excuse the pun) cold and wet, so we had no other option, than to make the most of a bad thing.. 
We used Matilda's shovel and cleared ourselves a shit free patch and erected our tent. 
I cleaned my shoe, the best I could with baby wipes and a stick 😡😳 
I swear if there had been a shoe shop near by, I would have just thrown it in the bin, and bought a new pair!! But there wasn't 😩 and the only alternative would have been to hop..! Lol
Next morning, EARLY!! lol, we took the tent down in the rain, and headed for the Town.. A nice small town, with lots of duty free.. 
Heaven for raging alcoholics, or fag ash lil's.!
with Spirits at 3€ for 1.5ltrs, and 200 fags for under 30€ .. 
Fuel was also really cheap at 93cents a ltr. With Matilda's long range tanks, now was the time to fill up!! 
All shopped out, we headed down the mountain.

 It was at this point that Matilda's brakes failed! Yes failed! 

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Benidorm Spain;)

Where do I start.. Definitely the vagus of Spain. Party town!!
More bars in 1sq mile than I have ever seen in my life, and all full, day and night.. Very cheap everything except accommodation (camping@26€ a night) 
The only town in Spain where the Brits out number the Spanish by 60/40.
The whole place was full of fat fuckers in electric cripple carts.. They were everywhere! I'm sure the odd few needed them, but the majority were just fat and lazy!! 
So I hired one!! Lol.... 
Some were even tandom, carrying the whole family, and the pet dog..
The shows where excellent and plentiful in most of the bars .. 
We managed to see the rat pack, and one of the best drag acts I have ever seen,. 
A good week would be needed to see them all, and in my opinion, they would all be well worth seeing!!
The street entertainment was quite good too. 
Taking people watching to a whole new level.. 
Drunken people by the hundreds.. Eating there dinner off the door, walking, and crawling around!
Jose loved it here,, lol

one women had her dress, and toilet paper tucked in her draws! 
Believe me we saw it all. 
Calpe is a pleasant alternative , about 12 Kim's away. Small fishing village with fish 
restaurants, that line the port.

It was also here that we got attacked by spiders! Again if you haven't already read it, check out discovery tours page, and find out what happened!

So to sum it up, we had an excellent trip, with a lot of highs and a few lows 🤔
I am really impressed with Matilda, especially the long range tanks.. 
Filled up in Andorra, drove all the way to Granada, and still have a quarter of a tank. 
And Jose is still alive, so it can't all be bad.. Lol

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Next Trip

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Malaga - Irland

3rd September 2018 - 

Portugal, Ireland,Scotland, Whales and uk

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